My whole life, I've wanted to write long form fiction. I've felt the talent, knowledge, and skills grow to the point where it finally seemed inevitable: the day arrived when I believed I could no longer stop myself from pouring out pages of my heart and soul, from conducting friends and strangers on a journey into a world only I knew -- a journey for which I dearly wish company -- and prioritizing the nurturing such an epic undertaking requires.
Well, that day gave way to a long series of days where I was not in charge of my priorities, which gave way to a long series of days where I was in charge of my priorities but failed to allocate time and space to my brainchild. Much work is done, but far more is left to do. The bits and pieces are still there; the possibilities await development and refinement; the fledgling story begs to be rediscovered, to be coaxed into the light, examined, nurtured, and written written written.
It was anything but daunting when I began. Now it looms larger than life. I don't know where to start up again. When I sit down to try, all the voices raise up at once. All the roads on all the dusty maps jump off the page. All the scenes and all the connections among them stare back at me with their wealth of promise and their evident shortcomings.
I pick. I peck. I push and pull. I tease and turn inside out. I do write ... but when I'm done writing, I feel like I haven't made an appreciable difference, and suddenly it's time to go back to the day job.
A friend of mine suggested a writing group, but I have severe difficulty being open about things I'm working on -- not through fear of theft, or fear of ridicule, or any other fear that I can recognize. I have a lifelong habit of privacy, a need for privacy, in moments of creation. Maybe I'll go just to see what it's like, if I can make the time.
Meanwhile, there's this world in my head that writhes and rumbles in its need to be free -- no, to be nurtured and then shared -- so I'm open to all suggestions, particularly from those creative types who have faced the privacy challenge successfully.